I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
