You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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