i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
