Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
