Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
