i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
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I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize