Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
