i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
