I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
