I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nutella sex= disaster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
