well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
