Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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