why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
