Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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