I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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