so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
