don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
