everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
