I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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