Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
