need another drink. this is the easiest way
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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