it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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