dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
