I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
