We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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