I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize