It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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