a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
