all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
