i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
