i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
