Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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