It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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