You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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