im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
