Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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