I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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