I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I understand Curling. That high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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