He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
