shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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