I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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