you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
