She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
