Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
