It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
