five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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