Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
