I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
