dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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