She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
