something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
pray to the hookup gods
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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