My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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