Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
