It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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