shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
