I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
