she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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