I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
