im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
