I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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