Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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