From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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