my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
