Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i will never coherently bang her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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