I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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