Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
